Superficially judging by the user info, The last six
(seven?) Russian journals that have viewed mine seem to be all the same person. How odd.
Is your life boring? Do you like to roleplay? Are you stalking someone? Or are you being stalked? As for me, time to learn Cyrillic, at least.
The thought of being your first [and that's pretty ambiguous considering the evidence] warms my heart; it breaks knowing I won't be your last.
I don't think it's normal to have suicidal thoughts just because it's a certain time of the month, or for any other reason. This week just happens to amplify them. I feel the same about having violent mood swings, crying jags that last for hours on end, or spending a week (or more) hating yourself and wanting to end your life.
This is getting in the way of life. My emotions are in the driver's seat and I've developed no real coping skills to regain control of myself. Talk therapy never had any real lasting effect no matter how often I would attend; it mostly consisted of my lack of communication skills,
lying about not being suicidal, jabbering about meaningless bullshit because I have no one to speak to.
Ignoring your problems doesn't repair them.
I'm no longer emitting, just absorbing.
Ah, so much bullshit, so little time. And yay for vague LJ entries.
Mr. Bear is just a silly old thing.
The longer I stay here, the more I become a stranger.
I cannot help but feel; I have to feel. These feelings are most of what I have left to hang on to. I've never felt more alone in my life than when I've been down in this Podunk city. This city full of ignorant human black holes who will work the same job until they die/retire, who will never venture farther than hours away from where they were born, who will live and decay in this same dirt for every plane of their existence. I've never felt more alone in my life. I gave up the few friends I actually talked to; little would I realize years down the road that would be my happiness I gave up. No faking it until you make it. No loving people for how they can benefit your life. No more compromising my happiness. No more needing someone more than they need me. No more being a stepping stone for someone else's benefit, at least sure as hell not without equal benefit of my own.
I've never been this unhappy. I've learned to make the best of it in the meantime.