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Like a soul without a mind....
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Qat's LiveJournal:

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Friday, February 8th, 2019
9:55 pm
But enough about me. How are you?
Monday, September 12th, 2016
5:38 pm

That repressive feeling of emotional permafrost, developed for your own peace of mind (so you don't rip someone's face off).
When you're at the point of ripping someone's face off because their emotions are paramount in this "relationship".
As for your emotions? Yeah, you're on your own; they'll be all but dismissed. But everyone outside your relationship is sure they know how much he loves you, so it's probably just your imagination. Stop being so ungrateful.

God help me, I need to get out of here.
Friday, July 8th, 2016
11:36 pm
Can't live in a fantasy world forever.
To quote someone from twitter: "This society is a dumpster fire."

I'm getting extremely depressed, I'm lonely as hell and I'm tired of this place.
Wednesday, June 29th, 2016
12:25 am
Tuesday, June 28th, 2016
6:52 pm

I don't actually live in Latvia.

Plot twist.
Sunday, June 19th, 2016
7:45 pm

Insight is about analysing current trends in order to find a deeper meaning, whereas foresight uses scenarios and critical thinking to consider what is coming next.

Friday, April 29th, 2016
1:00 pm
"we begin bombing in five minutes."
I've got a theory regarding the last post, but must do a bit more research before fully stating.

Any suggestions from the pine nut gallery?
Saturday, April 16th, 2016
3:29 pm
Is my location piquing your interest?
Superficially judging by the user info, The last six (seven?) Russian journals that have viewed mine seem to be all the same person. How odd.

Is your life boring? Do you like to roleplay? Are you stalking someone? Or are you being stalked? As for me, time to learn Cyrillic, at least.

Current Mood: feline
Saturday, February 20th, 2016
6:24 pm

The thought of being your first [and that's pretty ambiguous considering the evidence] warms my heart; it breaks knowing I won't be your last.
Friday, February 5th, 2016
12:20 am
Thursday, February 4th, 2016
11:53 pm

I don't think it's normal to have suicidal thoughts just because it's a certain time of the month, or for any other reason. This week just happens to amplify them. I feel the same about having violent mood swings, crying jags that last for hours on end, or spending a week (or more) hating yourself and wanting to end your life.

This is getting in the way of life. My emotions are in the driver's seat and I've developed no real coping skills to regain control of myself. Talk therapy never had any real lasting effect no matter how often I would attend; it mostly consisted of my lack of communication skills, lying about not being suicidal, jabbering about meaningless bullshit because I have no one to speak to.

Ignoring your problems doesn't repair them.
Sunday, January 24th, 2016
10:57 pm
Only remember to post when I'm feeling down
I'm no longer emitting, just absorbing.

Current Mood: blank
Friday, January 8th, 2016
11:57 am
First world problems.
Ah, so much bullshit, so little time. And yay for vague LJ entries.
Monday, December 28th, 2015
1:50 am

Mr. Bear is just a silly old thing.
Saturday, December 26th, 2015
6:42 pm

The longer I stay here, the more I become a stranger.
Thursday, December 24th, 2015
12:54 am
I cannot help but feel; I have to feel. These feelings are most of what I have left to hang on to. I've never felt more alone in my life than when I've been down in this Podunk city. This city full of ignorant human black holes who will work the same job until they die/retire, who will never venture farther than hours away from where they were born, who will live and decay in this same dirt for every plane of their existence. I've never felt more alone in my life. I gave up the few friends I actually talked to; little would I realize years down the road that would be my happiness I gave up. No faking it until you make it. No loving people for how they can benefit your life. No more compromising my happiness. No more needing someone more than they need me. No more being a stepping stone for someone else's benefit, at least sure as hell not without equal benefit of my own.

I've never been this unhappy. I've learned to make the best of it in the meantime.
Friday, December 11th, 2015
1:50 pm



Saturday, December 5th, 2015
9:18 pm
I will have a house/apartment/condo on or near the ocean, be it in Guam, Cyprus, Cape Town, Okinawa, or goddamn Myrtle Beach. Definitely better off being a nomad in the meantime thanks to my fickle nature.
I will finish my Bachelors' in clinical lab science ASAP after I get my Associates' in MLT. After all that is said and done I will get my MBA and either my Masters' in diagnostic molecular science or pathology assisting.
I will see Rush live at some point in my life, hopefully soon as Geddy and the crew aren't getting any younger ;.;.....then again, neither am I.
I will travel to every continent, Antarctica included.
I will not be married or have kids as my instincts will kick in and I'll massively regret the decisions, among other reasons.
Saturday, November 28th, 2015
7:36 pm
Saturday, November 7th, 2015
9:23 pm
So I'm running away and probably not coming back.
Who wants to come with me? I'm thinking somewhere on/near the coast and further south; I'm growing less tolerant of the cold as time goes by. Anyone who lurks this journal is free to come with as well! :D I have to force myself to be happy so I don't think about suicide so much.

Current Mood: lonely
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